Thursday, November 4, 2010

Dark Day, The Light is Ahead

Yeeeah... I am not happy. I am the opposite of happy. I am unhappy.

Get the idea yet?

After looking over the last post [WHICH WAS POST #99! MEANING THIS IS POST #100!] I'm beginning to realize that my job is the source of a lot of negative blogging. Now, that shouldn't come has a huge surprising, considering most people don't enjoy what they do for a living. If anyone reading this can stop and say "Wait, that's not true for me, I love[/like] my job!", then please know I considering you truly blessed and hope you all the best in the future.

Anyway, my overall mood is a negative one, but let's try to focus on some other things... Let's look at the "glass half full" parts of my life lately.

Surprise surprise, but there is some light at work; I have a full staff, now! The Warehouse at work is now staffed by myself, my "assistant" Greg, my ol' reliable partner and the "picker", Willy [I hate calling him Willy. I think William is such a cool name.", our newest "receiver" Mike and my two newbies, Chris and Marcos. So far, they seem to be cool guys, but I'm having a lot of frustration with a half staff of newbies, an assistant that's only been there for a few months... There's a lot of questions, but I appreciate the fact that I'm answering questions from people doing the work instead of having to do all the work. It's definitely a better situation then, say, this time last year where it was only me and William back there and I had to do everything.

I've also been sworn in for the United States Air Force! This is an amazing step forward because it means I am almost in completely. All I'm waiting for is a job spot to open up. Then I'll have a shipdate and I will definitely be happy! I can't wait, the money... Security... So many good things in one little package.

Hey, guess what?! I haven't perfected it yet, but I think I've actually been working on my temper! Like I said, it isn't perfected, but I'm noticing situations in life being handled with ... Well, LESS rage than normal. Still some rage, but considerably less than I think I normally would handle it with. I don't know what's inspiring this change... Maybe the simple fact that soon, I will have to deal with much worse conditions than those at work and I'll have to do it with a "Yes, sir!" and no attitude. Definitely not going to be easy, with my short fuse... But I have to work on it, no matter what. I can't say "Oh, well, I just have a temper. No big deal!" because it is a big deal.

Not only that, but my memory's been working! Those who know me have learned I am infamous for my terrible short term memory. I don't remember conversations from five minutes ago. Or rather, I didn't. I've become a human encyclopedia at work lately, constantly remembering everything that comes my way, be it order numbers or even conversations. I think the major difference is that I stopped worrying about having a bad memory. I stopped thinking it, I stopped believing it. I've actually grown quite proud of how well I remember things and that people come to me for what I have in my head. It's good times.

Oh, you know what's awesomeness in a can? GCW is in Year 4 now! I've expanded, creating two separate shows and full rosters for each of them. I'm really excited about the future, it's going to be awesome to develop so many personalities and stories. Can't wait!

Fable 3. Bought it. Beat it. Liked it. Didn't love it to death, though. I admit, they did change some things and what they changed, I liked. I enjoyed tracking the changes of my weapons and the reason for the changes. I loved that my sword gained a "virtuous" shape because I was a good parent. I played through the first one as a male with a family early on in Brightwood, but my second game is being played as a girl and so far, I'm not working on the family yet. I may not at all. I'm also using my hammer this time instead of the sword like last time. Trying different things, ya know... To get the entire Fable 3 experience.

I was disappointed to learn that you can't choose a dog species... I had heard a rumor about that and I guess that's what it was; A rumor. The clothing was cool, changing the colors was a lot easier and the combinations were fun to do. The ending was disappointing, though. The last battle was, as like the previous two games, very 2-dimensional. Very easy. And the person you had to defeat was, again, not what you'd expect. In the bad way.

I won't spoil anything for ya, though. Promise.

The use of the Map in your Sanctuary was awesome, it helped me by virtually every peice of real estate in the game. That was oodles of fun! The real fun was geting over $100,000 every five minutes and building one hell of a bank account. SEEING your gold pile up, by the way?! Awesomeness.

Oh, I added a new detail to my eventually-to-be-done back tattoo... A saying in Latin that'll probably go on the horizontal bar of the cross... I don't have the translation in front of me, but it says "Anything for Anyone", a meaning that I'll keep to myself.

So there we are... 100 blogs. Here's to... 100 more? Maybe. Maybe.

~Class Dimissed~

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Here... It... Comes!

For starters, let's say this;

Next week is Post #100! In about a year and a half, I'll have done 100 posts, meaning a little under 1 per week. Not bad, not bad.

People. Irritate. Me. Namely? My boss... I run a warehouse for a living. I do shipping/receiving and handle the inventory and NFL programs. All lovely things, but I am not a few things; I do not work the factory. I do not do the art. I do not do customer service.

OH! HAHAHA! I lie! I apparently DO work customer service... But not... All of the customer service? Let me explain.

Today we got a call from the customer of our customer. Apparently we accidentally shipped them a wrong item that had nothing to do with their order. We were told by OUR customer after THEIR customer told them. Now, this is a big customer of ours and we have an agreement NOT to talk to THEIR customers. So I didn't. But that was apparently the wrong thing because, FOR SOME REASON, I should be resolving the problem.

Now, who packs the orders? The warehouse? No. The factory's Quality Control department. This is completely out of my hands, but I'm resolving it against an agreement we have with a big customer.

But when our NFL customer talks to me instead of the office about things the office doesn't understand, it's suddenly a problem. See, the NFL doesn't even like talking to the office; They don't handle the problems like I do. And the NFL doesn't like that. The office doesn't like handling issues they don't understand, but Mister Bossman is avid about keeping me out of the loop with the NFL, but sees no issue with me running after smaller customers when the problem doesn't concern me.

Confused? Good. Join the club.

~Class Dismissed~

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Imagine that!

It's weird, finding myself in some of the situations that come up in my life. A number of new experiences are constantly rushing at me and I'm starting to realize I often don't know how to respond to them. I know this isn't a huge anomally in normal life, but every once in awhile I find myself taking a step back, looking at some of the stuff going down and just laugh at how outrageous my life can be. Then I laugh at how outrageous some of my first reactions are.

Take my situation at work. I find myself talking to my replacement about how my boss plans to lay me off soon because of my entering the military. I explain that I have no legal backing until I'm processed and sworn in and how long that can take. Having found out my replacement is ex-military (Navy), I guess I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was to hear him say he'd talk to the owner on my behalf to keep me until I'm ready to go. But there you have it: I was surprised.

Don't get me wrong, he (Ralph, for future notice) seems to be a good guy. But I guess I just don't typically expect people to put their necks out there for me. After all, how often has that really happened in my life? Aside from maybe my Brothers(tm), I can't think of many people willing to go to bat for me.

Another weird situation surrounds me and my work buddy Greg... We were good friends but a situation this past weekend escalated to the point of where I didn't think we'd even manage a professional work environment this week. Oddly enough, Tuesday went off without a hitch and we spoke to each other like nothing happened. There were some obvious signs that there was still a space between us, but it was barely noticeable throughout the day. Then today he tells Danielle (while I had fallen asleep, of course) that he wanted to chalk everything up to a misunderstanding and let bygones be bygones.

On a side note, really quick; what the Hell is a bygone?!

Anyway, I admit that the idea of never really speaking to a close buddy of mine eve again did not appeal to me, but as we all know, I'm a stubborn ass. I know everything was not as simple as a misunderstanding and while I don't believe Greg MEANT any ill will over the weekend, I believe he still managed to cause it. Some of it was definitely unintentional but he certainly lost his temper and flew off the handle not once, but twice. Once of which was at Danielle, which I take VERY seriously...

Now I'm presented with the chance to be the bigger and better man and say no more on past discrepancies and, well... I'm struggling with that notion. I find myself loathing the idea of looking out for this person the same way I previously did, feeling as though it would mean I'm being a pushover, a sucker. I'm anything but that.

But I know myself. Despite being a stubborn ass over respect and whatnot, I do have a good heart. It doesn't necessarily work all the time and is colored black, but hey. It's a good heart all the same. I think, eventually, things will go back the way they were...

GCW. It's good stuff! I'm still working on Year 3, but I'm adding new shows everyday. I'm loving the characters and the storyline, which I swear sometimes writes itself. I'm especially excited that I'm forming multiple plots at once, really giving the storyline some depth. I need to stop being such a procrastinating bitch and start putting more of Year 1 online though. That and my biographies. I think I have bios to write for characters I didn't even keep at this point! Oy vay!

Damn procrastination!!!

~Class Dismissed~

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Friday? Now? Please?

Nah, I kid. I'm actually pretty happy with how my day went. There was so many possible situations going through my head with some of the crap that went on this past weekend and it went off without a hitch. It was almost eerie how well it went. I feel like I should be looking over my shoulder, constantly waiting for something else to go wrong.

Lovely way to live life, no?

I saw that movie "The Other Guys" with Mark Whalburg and Will Ferrel[sp?] and I seriously found it hilarious. The just stupid humor was never-ending. You actually had to pay attention to make sure you were getting all of the small, subtle jokes. Greatness. Danielle wasn't as big a fan, but you know what? That's okay... She sucks! [Nah, she doesn't really suck. She's awesome. We all know it.]

I found out what stopped my Air Force Recruitment... They filled everyone up for this window of processing, so now no one is getting processed til October 1rst... Seeing as it's only September 7th and even after MEPS I could wind up waiting for another YEAR [or more?!] I'm kinda worried.

I finally found proof that I cannot be let go, but I need to go to MEPS and be sworn in before it applies to me. Meaning I need to wait until October 1rst, at the earliest... Damn, it's going to become really REALLY close.

Ah well. Maybe all good things happen for a reason. [Maybe]

~Class Dimissed~

Friday, September 3, 2010

Hey... Suck This!

So, today marks my last day of vacation. I still get the weekend and Labor Day [Monday] off, but Tuesday starts a new era at my job, where I begin training my own replacement so that the company I've busted my ass for the past 2 years for can lay me off because I'm talking about joining the military. Which, by the way... Is illegal. But that's neither here nor there.

But who cares?! I'm having fun this week, I loved it. Holy crap, I relaxed this week. I never knew I was allowed to do that!

I didn't get much reading in the past couple of days, but that's okay. I'm not worried about it. But then... I'm not worried about anything at this point. That's how relaxed this week off as made me.

I'm kinda annoyed about the job stuff, though. The week I wasn't here, I received phone calls every single time. And my buddy Greg at work seems to think I'm going to be bumped off on Day 1 because of this new guy. I recognize that the new guy is going to be more experienced in warehouse duties, but he's worked for different companies, bigger companies. He isn't going to come in and completely re-organize my world just because he's EVENTUALLY going to replace me. And I'll be damned if he does that within the first month or so of him being there. I'm not going to bend over for someone who doesn't know a damn thing about our process or anything that we do. Not going to happen.

Worked on the GCW a bit. Good stuff, in Year 2. But the funny stuff? I'm already working on Year 3's roster. I like the new guys, I just hope I use them all. That's the only thing I've noticed lately; I don't use the entire roster all the time. And I haven't really found the right set of guys to keep all the time.

You know what I spent the entire morning doing? Watching True Blood season 2! It was freaking great, but the story line was... Odd. I mean, the entire hometown bad guy was trying to summon a God that... Never showed. Kinda disappointing, eh?

Ah well. Vampire goodness.

In such a lazy day, I guess there's not much else to say!

~Class Dismissed~

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Size doesn't matter?

In all honesty? Size does not matter. At least, not to me when it comes to the size of my new NETBOOK! Yeah, I needed to replace my old laptop... And I saw the Netbooks were a lot less expensive and still decent for the amount I'd use it. Got one today, my birthday present from Danielle. Gotta love her.

It's pretty cool so far. I have to get used to the tiny keyboard, but aside from that, the speed is actually pretty decent. Nothing too horrible.

What is horrible is all these rookies on the New York Giants football team. Just watched the New England Patriots run halfway down the field for a touchdown, making it 16-12 in the 4th with only a few minutes left. Dammit all.

Anyway, in addition to my Netbook, we got the Season 2 for True Blood... Only seen 4 episodes, but holy Hell is it good. I'm really confused by some of the characters so far, but it's a good confused. It's a mysterious confused. Gotta love it.

Love Sookie's new attitude. And I think I like Jessica. When she was introduced in the first season, all I could think was "Oh. I am going to HATE this bitch!" but she's actually got a really complex character with a lot of shit going on. That, and she's a fucking psycho.

What's not to love?

I finished another book [reading, not writing] It's actually a book I've read before, Dhampir by J.C. & Barb Hendee... I got into the series, but never finished it. I've done that with a lot of series, I've noticed and I'm trying to get over that. Hence why I re-read Dhampir and got into the first chapter last night of Thief of Lives, the second Noble Dead Saga book [Dhampir being the first, duh]

It's interesting, reading a Vampire story helped me think about Ressurection, the second book [formerly known as Re-Birth] in the Stinda Series. [Does Stinda Saga sound better?] I didn't start writing anything, but I did make notes for Chapter 1 of Ressurection, changing it around a bit. Hopefully I'll keep reading Vampire stories and eventually get back to that. You never know.

After Noble Dead Saga, I'm considering finishing the War of the Spider books. I was in book 5 of 6 when I stopped reading it because they killed one of my favorite characters, Ryld the Drow weaponsmaster. But I'll have to suck it up and keep reading to finish the series. Next on my list?

The entire Harry Potter series. No lie, starting from book 1! What inspired that series next after such "dark" books like War of the Spider and Noble Dead Saga?

Lego Harry Potter.

Hey, don't laugh! It was a great fucking game. It was hours of entertainment and even though I beat the storyline, I really want to get back to it and start finding EVERYTHING, all the House crest pieces, getting the True Wizard coins and etc. etc. I definitely wanna get all the little curse spells you can buy, those are so funny. I love the head shrinking cure. That one's a laugh and a half!

GCW got it's own blog and I even found I could designate when I want the post to be from. I was able to jump back to June and post Week 1 when it belonged being posted. Once I catch up to today's date, eventually, I'll release and spread the link a bit. That, and after I do all of the Character Bio's in the Locker Room of the GCW section of the Crossology board I created awhile back.

It's all a WIP. You'll see.

Year 2 is coming along, but I'm stuck at a certain part... Anti-Americans. But I don't want every year to be "buncha title rivalries in the first half of the year, then a group forms, takes on the rest of the locker room and climax match at Critical Mass". Too predictable. Great stories, but too predictable.

Ah well. LET'S GO GIANTS! Stop sucking ass, ya jackoffs...

~Class Dismissed~

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Here we go again...

Wow. It has BEEN AWHILE, hasn't it?! I haven't blogged since MAY and it's... Frigging August. Not even, it's the END of August, almost September! [Woo, birthday on the horizon, 9/1!] Crazy, I didn't realize I'd left this for so long.

Honestly, I couldn't even remember the URL for the site. How bad is that? I found it on my signature on a forum... WEAK! But oh well. I has it now!

So. What has been going on... Not much new, not much... Working at Boxer and Stone, still. It's gotten a little better as I have help now and made a great friend outta the new help; Greg. Good times, good times.

Oh, here's news! I'M JOINING THE MILITARY! ... What? Stop laughing! It's not a joke! I'm seriously joining the Air Force. I'm actually waiting for my "MEPS", the "medical processing" where I get a physical, go through job counseling and swear into the Air Force. From there, I wait til they call me for "BMT" [basic military training] From there on they'll send me to school for whatever job I get and then I'll be military for awhile til I decide it's time to retire! Good stuff right there!

My work buddy Greg is even talking about joining the Army. He's a bit older with something of a record, so he couldn't do the Force with me. But he's hoping to get a non-combat job in the Army and that's better than being cannon fodder, no? So that's some exciting stuff right there, too.

It's amazing, I guess it wasn't until I started talking about joining that I realized I know a LOT of people IN the military, FORMER military or are JOINING... It's crazy, man. Crazy.

I know what you're thinking... "So, Sethy, baby... How's the writing going?!" Well, honestly, it really hasn't been going at all... I know, I know. People want me to write more... I want to write more myself, but iunno. Between doing stuff with friends, working and everything, I don't have much time to sit down and devote to writing. At least, not without being completely exhausted and on the verge of sleeping on the keyboard.

Speaking of keyboards, my laptop is FRIED! No more. Kaput. I'm working on Danielle's laptop now, with the use of my flash drive, which I was lucky enough to load up with all of my stuff before the ol' laptop decided to tell me to piss off. I'm considering getting one of those little "notebook" things like my sister has, but iunno. Gotta do more research there.

SPEAKING OF SISTERS! I need to stop adopting family! Greg - brother, Kathleen and Paula - sisters. That makes little Mia [Paula's baby girl] my niece. STOP. FINDING. NEW. FAMILY.

Not gonna happen.

Greg plays the guitar something wicked, too. I helped him get his first video on Youtube and he's working on more stuff for us to record and post. Good times there, my friends. Good times.

Oh, still working on that R2G! I actually completed Year 1! 10 PPVs, 52 weeks... It was SO awesome, I loved the story line I created. Now I have a small squad of newbies for year 2 and I'm 10 weeks in already! Taking a little break from writing the matches and storyline to actually TRAIN the new guys on the game, though. I like the idea of simulating the title matches and then deciding everything else myself. I'll craft the encounters, but they gotta fight it out for themselves!

OOOH! I took a vacation! I know, it's frigging unheard of! I never take a day off, but I finally did it! An entire week to bum it out and do what I want without work?! HELLS YEAH!

Wow... Writing some stuff out helped and felt good. I miss doing this...

Speaking of writing, I cleaned out the flash drive and started finding scraps of character bios and story synopsis today... Good stuff. Graveyard Shift stuff, Stinda Series stuff... That got me thinking. Especially the Kranin stuff. God, I love Kranin stuff. It is so much fun!

Ah well... Now I'm getting too sporadic, gotta knock this shit off for today and come back with a more clear view of what to blog about!

~Class Dismissed~

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I'm just a WIP [Lunch Time Crusades, pt. 4]

Ugh, it's been a weird day. I've been in a weird balance of almost okay to almost miserable and breaking down. I've put myself in a position the past month or so where I don't know how things are going to fall into place. I've been getting more and more angry and rash and doing things too quickly, I think. Or rather; I haven't BEEN thinking. That's the problem...

It's funny because at work, I've been telling people this stupid little story;

When I was younger, my father always told me the same thing when he asked me to do something. He said I could do things one of two ways; I could do things quickly and get it over with and go play until someone discovered I had done it wrong and made me do it over again or I could take my time and do things right the first time.

And at work, I'm always annoyed that we do the "quick" and not the "right" thing, but here I am, developing the horrible habit myself. See, it's not even that I've started doing it or been doing it, but I'm letting it become a habit. And I know how I am with habits, they can become uncontrollable for me. I can start doing something, like how I pick at my lips, and if I let it go on long enough, I'll never stop. I'm 21 and I still pick at my lips because I did it as a child. I don't want to be 42, still getting angry and blowing up at everything because I started it half-my-lifetime ago.

But I know my temper. It gets started in an instant and takes too long to stop and I act too fast for my brain to catch onto the idea of "Uhh... Don't do that. It'll make things worse." It's just complicated. I could take a deep breath and count to 10. That would calm me down. But I have to catch myself before I'm angry to do it.

I know what I need to do... I need to develop a habit, consciously. One where I do whatever I need to do to calm down BEFORE I get angry. But purposefully developing a habit is hard... And it's not like I can control the circumstances. I can't make myself mad just to develop a habit of calming down first. God knows I don't need the higher blood pressure of purposefully pissing myself off...

I think I need a vacation. Somewhere away from work, friends and family... Just a little time away from EVERYTHING. But I know I can't get it. Getting the time off work alone would be nearly impossible, let alone finding a way to explain to everyone what I need or why I need it. Maybe I should develop a walking hobby... Make a route to go through everyday after I get off from work... Just to clear my head, think to myself a bit. I think that would do me a world of good.

I need to start taking better care of myself, too... I'm so lazy when it comes to that because I never used to care if I looked or felt healthy; I was miserable one way or the other. But I shouldn't be miserable anymore. I should try to be happy and I think feeling and looking a little better would do me a world of good, too.

Hmm, a world of good is catching on in my lingo, no? Well, here's to a world of good, then... Wherever that world happens to be!

~Class Dismissed~

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

What's wrong with me?

Wow... Where do I begin? Where would I end if I knew where to begin?

Things are... Not good. I am not good. There is something wrong with me, something very... VERY wrong. Paranoia, distrust, anger... I am becoming someone I don't want to be. Was I like this when I was younger? Was I always this... Short tempered? Paranoid? Distrusting of EVERYONE close to me? No, I wasn't. What made me this way... It has to be something in the past... 4? 5 years? Somewhere around there... I know where some of the anger comes from...

The world. Everyone in it. Even my friends. The people who have taken my friends from me for no reason, no matter how fair or unfair it was. The people who have taken advantage of me, manipulated me. The people that have used me against me to their own ends.

I used to be a compassionate person. I used to be constantly worried about my friends and how they were. I used to jump at the chance to help someone if the needed it... Nowadays, I see someone in need and think "Oh God, I hope they don't come to me. I don't need this shit on top of my own." When did I become that person?

No more. I remember being the person everyone came to for their problems. No one stopped them from doing it, I stopped caring. I stopped trying to help them, I stopped talking to them. I need to remember who I used to be. For all my faults that I had [and I admit to having a LOT of faults] I used to be a great friend.

I don't have it bad. I may not like my job, but I have one. A full time job that pays a LOT for a 21-year old. I RUN a WAREHOUSE! How many people under 30... 40 even can say that? Not many. Especially without a college degree. Yeah, work is short-handed. You know what that makes me? Necessary. I have security which is a rare thing to come by these days.

I have a girlfriend who cares about me. When I was sick, she was by my side in the ER the entire time. She cooks for me all the time. She's hard working and she worries about me. I haven't had that in a person almost... Ever. Only maybe a handful of people can claim even 3 of those things. God... How stupid do I have to be to get all bent out of shape over little things?

I have a good life. I love my apartment. I have a cute, adorable pet... Not my parents pet, not someone else's pet, Danielle and I have our OWN pet. I love pets. I love animals.

You know what's wrong with my life? Me. Thinking there's always someone out to get me instead of worrying about people who have already been gotten by the real bad guys. I'm too busy chasing my own shadow, I'm not worried about my friends' demons.

I was comforting a friend today in the midst of my own problems that were so bad, I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown, but the part of me that was helping that person? It felt fucking good. It felt happy...

God. I feel so stupid... I risked so many things and the answer to the problem was looking me in the mirror. When did I get this negative view and manner? Who knows... But I know when I decided to suck it the fuck up and stop.

Right... Now.

~Class Dismissed, Bitches~

Monday, March 15, 2010

All My Life is "Suck" [Lunch Time Crusades pt. 3]

True story; As of late, my life has sucked the big one. Or is it "sucked off" the big one? Either way, something's been sucked and my life's been the one to suck it.

Nasty mental images, huh?

Thursday, I fell down some stairs at my job's storage facility and banged my knee up so bad I was on crutches Thursday night, Friday and Saturday. I finally gave up on them Saturday night because they were killing my arm/shoulder/chest muscles. Friday I didn't go to work the entire day [only 3 hours to help out with some paperwork stuff] and that is really biting me in the ass right now. It's really not something I could help, but, well... It sucks.

So I played my wrestling game for most of Friday and Saturday and played some Pokemon Diamond, read some Shaman King online... Good fun. Sunday, everything fell to shit. I just had a horrible day and made some really bad choices to some uncomfortable situations and it's just crap. Emo, isn't it?

Some things were said to me that has me wondering if I'm really as "good" a person as I like to think... I used to think I was a really good person to have as a friend, that I was reliable and people could depend on me, but lately it seems like my most reliable trait is the one to piss everyone off and drive everyone away.

I'd like to think I wasn't always this wretched little bastard, but I don't really know. I think growing up thinking I didn't need anyone because no one was there for me that I could trust and I think I can't shake that thinking now. Even with Danielle [that's Bunny's real name... I'm kind of sick of the cute little code names... First name revelations won't get anyone stalked/killed... I hope] I find myself constantly on guard and it's really kind of pathetic. Not only that, but it's tiring and it doesn't really make me all that happy.

Lately, I've been kind of aggressively thinking positive; I've refused to let things bother me more than enough to flare my quick temper. I've been calming down a little quicker and overall, I've been in a better mood, even at work. But then the past few days and it almost seems pointless. I can be in a better mood and more positive about things, but that hasn't changed who I am; I'm a self-destructive person.

Sometimes I think I pick fights just because things are getting to relaxed and people are seeming to be too close to me. I've gotten to the point where I don't even really know who I am with all my guards down and I don't even know if the person I THINK I am is the person I want to be. After all, if I'm constantly guarding against myself, won't I eventually just be that person? That mean, sarcastic, snarky jerkoff that people might tolerate because he's there, but at the end of the day they would really rather see him going than coming?

I feel like I'm alone. It makes me kind of depressed, but I've become to notice that without trying, my natural thought response is "I've always been alone, so that's okay". Is it okay? Am I okay?

No, I get the feeling there's something really wrong with me. Today I put the only serious thought I've ever put into the idea of therapy. I still hate the idea of people probing me and I know I'll probably get angry at every session, but isn't that worth it to figure out whatever my problems are and get over them? Wouldn't it be worth it to be a more self-secure person with fewer insecurities and paranoia?

It sounds good, doesn't it? Being... Well, I don't think I'd ever want to be normal or ordinary, but not being so fucked up in the head sounds like it might be fun to try.

Who knows, maybe I'm just being self-pitious [that's a word?! Holy shit!] and should suck it up, admit I'm a fuck up and just get over whatever bothers me.

What is an insecurity, really? When a person believes they aren't as good as they're expected to be or won't measure up to the next person, right? Well, how can you measure up if you don't think you can measure up? I'm not suggesting I should inflate my ego and say "I am GREAT, HAHAHA!" but maybe something more along the lines of thinking "I'm okay, and I'll be okay so long as I remember that."

Maybe I need to sit down and starting thinking less about who I am and more about who I want to be, not just in my eyes but everyone's eyes. I want to be fun and funny... I think I do that sometimes. But I also want to be calm and laid back. I don't want to be jealous or angry or even impolite and rude.

In the back of my head, I know I write some things off as "Eh, I know I shouldn't do this, but they expect it from me because of who I've been up to this point, so why disappoint anyone's beliefs of who I am now?" That can't be right. I shouldn't be who people believe me to be, that's probably impossible. So many people have so many perceptions, you can't be everyone's version of you. You have to be your own version of yourself.

One of my biggest problems will be thinking before I react out of haste or anger. I have a quick temper, I always have. I'd like to blame my father for it, but even if I did get it from watching him as a kid, it's my fault for believing that was okay. I never got along with my father and I never truly liked who he was; why mimic that? Why be like someone you never wanted to be around... Naturally, no one's going to be around me that way.

Wow. I didn't really mean to write this much, but I guess that goes to show how much better I can think when it's not jumbled up in my head. Damn ADD!

Looks like I have a lot to think about. Hopefully a lot to work on. Hopefully I'll succeed.

Hope. Never had a lot of that, really. Sure as Hell could use some now. Where does Hope even come from? Let me know if you find out...

~Time's Up~

Monday, March 8, 2010

Re-Direct

So recent events have had me redirecting some of my focus away from the Stinda Series. I'm not worried about going back to it, so much plot was developed in my notes, it's really captivated me. I know I can hop right back on that track and go for miles.

But Corruption isn't on a deadline/schedule. R2G is. You see, I want to follow the WWE's schedule with it's PPVs and the best way to do a full year is to start after their "Super Bowl" event, Wrestlemania. Which is in March.

March 28th, that is.

Something of a deadline coming up there. And I still have TONS of work to do. Until the other day, I still had slots open on the roster, the guys I had created didn't have entrances or movesets and I had virtually no biographies written. Now, the roster is full, there are a few more entrances and movesets done and I still need to do biographies. In the next 20 days. Normally that's not a big deal, right?

Well, movesets take forever to do. Especially if you want them to be different... That's never easy, making 50+ different movesets with only maybe a few hundred? or so moves available to you. But I'm determined to get it done!

The Legend of Zelda; Phantom Hourglass for the DS also consumed a good amount of my time. Just yesterday, I FINALLY beat it! The ending was definitely a challenge, but it felt really drawn out. How many times do you have to attack and kill the same person, just to have them run off and find a new host to possess? Lame.

Good game, though. Now I'm back to my Gameboy roots; Pokemon Diamond [and maybe FireRed, afterwards] but not nearly as hardcore as I went into PH.

I've also been getting back into reading. I'm on book 5 of my 6 book series and I have to say, it's really getting good. I think it was book 4, the author was not my favorite, though. Lisa Something really took characters and objects in completely different direction, almost none of them I liked. Major, strong characters wavered and looked like idiots or weaklings. Definitely no like.

But now this 5th book is hard to get into. Don't know why, but it's like when I tried to read Twilight; Read the same few pages over and over and I still can't remember what happened. It just isn't catching me... But I'll keep at it and eventually I'll be in just the right mood. Then, once I'm in, I'll be good :)

And that's it for the update. I still haven't put enough notes into my organized structure to warrant showcasing it yet... I really need to re-direct some attention into that!

~Class Dismissed~

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Team Cross [AKA Lunch Time Crusades, pt. 2]

Heh. Team Cross... Get it?! Like the whole Team Edward/Jacob craze from last month over the New Moon movie?! It's funny. Except who would be my rival? Who could possibly top my awesomeness?

That, my friends, is a question that may never be answered... DUN DUN DUUUN!

Idiotcy aside, Team Cross is a new idea. In the past, when I wrote chapters of Corruption, I would hand the story out to basically anyone who was interested in reading a story about a Vampire Assassin and a world filled with Witches, Lycans, Vampires and tons of other stuff. These days, well... It's not that easy as some of my best readers are too busy and new prospects are low in stock. So I'm bringing together a group of 5 people, each who fall into a different category.

Team Cross Member #1 - The Elder - Someone a bit more up there in the age stat that I'm hoping will appreciate the writing. The person in mind has read Version 1 and enjoyed it. Now I have to try to convince this person to read Version 2 and hope the writing stays good.

Team Cross Member #2 - The Newbie - Someone who has shown interest, but never read through Version 1. This gives me a fresh aspect of someone who won't judge according to the first version. This is brand new to them and thus, I can get brand new perspective.

Team Cross Member #3 - The Naysayer - Someone who has read the book, or at least part of it and constructively explained why they felt the writing or story was not up to par. The mission here is to show them Version 2 and sway them into being a fan.

Team Cross Member #4 - The Double-Header - Someone who read the book and has made both positive and negative comments. This person is my balance and may be able to report if anything good is suddenly missing from Version 2 and hopefully will strike their negative criticism since Version 1.

Team Cross Member #5 - The Kindred Spirit - Someone who may or may not have read the book, but is something of a writer themself. This is possibly one of the most important people, if not THE most important person, as this person will share with me an experience perspective and hopefully open new doors for either Version 3 [God, I hope not] or the sequel, if Version 2 is good enough in my own eyes.

There may be a #6, that being the "Nazi", someone who will read through the story strictly to correct crappy grammar and spelling. I haven't decided fully on that one, but the first 5 categories are definite and I have people in mind for each role. Hopefully Team Cross will mean Team Success and who knows, maybe I'll delude these people into continuing to remain Team Cross for the next 4 books. One never knows.

After Book 1, Version 2 is complete, if it passes all of my tests, it will be time for phase 3 of operation "Live the Dream" [... Yes. I am pulling all of these titles, names and such out of thin air. None of this is really thought up past maybe a few minutes of "Hmm... THIS sounds cool!"] which is Phase; Risking Rejection.

You guessed it. I'll be sending the finished manuscript out, hoping someone takes an interest in it. I may require a bit of help in this area, but I think the internet and possibly a family contact that I really am not looking forward to using may come in handy.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

My plan to organize things [phase 1, section B, aka Phase; Don't Lose Your Shit!] is coming along nicely. I set up the structure last night and then began intergrating some of my notes into the system, but only the notes for FCCW. I'll have to work more to add the Corruption notes, as this is Priority 1 [AKA Priority; Fuck You, Me First!] in my mind.

Eventually, I need to make The Plan[tm] and write down all of these witty titles. They humor me and I think they humor you too. But who knows? Better yet, who cares?

First bit of writing may take place this weekend. So far, I have no real plans except having Jack out all day, Saturday and Sunday. He can hop around while I write, I guess. We'll see how it goes. If I have to, I can lock him in his cage for a nice long nap and spend 3 hours writing Chapter 1.

The last decision before that is to happen is actually pretty simple; Does Team Cross get the book Chapter by Chapter, or in one giant Manuscript gulp? I don't know what's better yet, and I've even considered giving it to different Team members in different amounts. Like a daily dose of Corruption.

Yum.

~Time's Up~

Monday, February 22, 2010

Getting organized

So, I do a number of projects all at the same time. I cycle between these projects and this is usually how I keep my motivation constantly focused on something instead of getting bored and just falling asleep after work and on weekends constantly.

My current projects are;
Re-writing Corruption and working on more depth-development of the Stinda Series.
My never-ending project of developing the history of my own world Kranin which will translate into numerous books.
A more recent focus on the Graveyard Shift series.
With WWE's Wrestlemania season next month, I'm trying to finish up work on the roster for FCCW so that Road to Glory can start again, this time with a whole new development.

That's a lot going on and I'm not the most organized person in the world. As a matter of fact, I've been known to lose my notes and, unsatisfied with what I can recall from memory, force myself to start over completely.

Thus, I'm taking certain measure to ensure that a) my notes will not be lost and b) people will be able to look at what I'm doing as I'm doing it. Hopefully people will join in on the project, ask questions and keep me motivated that way, but if not, well... I recognize I'm not the most important person in the world. I know I'm not "big news".

Sadly, it starts to feel like Corruption isn't even big news with the people that claimed they loved it a few years ago anymore. I don't really know what happened, but I guess that's really my fault, not the readers. How long can someone be hopeful to see a revision or a sequel before they finally start to think "yeah, doesn't look like it's going to happen?"

Well it's going to happen. It has to happen. My job has lately shown that I can't do what I'm doing for the rest of my life. Nothing against warehouse work or those who perform it, but I just cannot keep this job forever. It will drive me insane. And if my father's stories of his own similar job are anything to go by, it's the same stuff all over. People constantly want more and more for less and less... It's not even management's fault, it's the way the world is turning.

My writing is becoming my Eden. I need to write to rise above what I am now. Don't get me wrong, there are tons of great aspects of my life. My girlfriend, our apartment, my friends and family are all things I hold in the highest regard and have no intention of moving away from. But my job and the status of life it brings, I think I just need something more than this.

And so help me God, I plan on getting it. Whatever it takes.

~Class Dismissed~

Sunday, February 21, 2010

And then there were five...

Okay, I admit. There were always five books to the "Blood War" series [which very well may be renamed the "Stinda Series"... I'm debating it because book 3 has little Alexander in it, though I've decided to add Thomas to the mix. Justice, too.

Anyway. That's neither here nor there [nor anywhere] I have finished the renaming of the books themselves and would love to share this information with you all. Keep in mind, some books did not change... 2 of them, actually. Here we go!;

Corruption -> Shows many of the characters that will be with us throughout the series becoming "corrupt" by doing things they wouldn't normally do, either for their own personal glory or for what they believe is the greater good.

Resurrection -> In the flames of the aftermath of Corruption, many of the surviving characters are at their all-time-low, struggling with either their new lives or dwelling on their past mistakes. Meanwhile, there's a whole world out their seeking revenge on some while trying to lock others away forever. Only the strong will survive, rising from the ashes like the great Phoenix of myth.

Evolution -> Some of the missing Corruption characters from Resurrection have run from their past mistakes and instead are now staring down the barrel of their past lives. Dealing with new abilities and a fresh, free open mind, they must adapt or die. Those who do not evolve will become extinct.

Ascension -> With past plights behind them, our band of characters have new dangers ahead of them. They have overcome their weaknesses and insecurities, growing into who they are meant to be. Now they must take their rightful places in the world, by force if necessary.

Revelation -> Battlegrounds have been chosen. Now is the time to choose your allies and face your enemies. For too long, the world has been blind to so much violence and bloodshed. No longer. The world is about to wake up from it's pleasant dreams and face on Hell of a Revelation.

Now, some details;

I WARN YOU! THE FOLLOWING WILL CONTAIN INFORMATION FOR FUTURE BOOKS! DON'T READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT SOME OF THE STORY SPOILED!


For those of you who don't know, Corruption introduces us to a number of main characters that will be with us throughout the series. Alexander and Thomas Stinda, two rival brothers, Brant the Lycan, Elizabeth Jensen and Jessica Marech, two girls who wander into a sanctuary for Witches/Lycans/Vampires and are marked for death because they tell the police, and [of course, can't forget this one!] Justice, the sadistic Vampire/demonologist/voodoo guy that everyone loves because he's so freaking sick. We learn about the past of a few of these important people and we mainly focus on Alexander, the second Vampire to ever exist who's run from his sire, Tyrale Corren and now works as an assassin who's so thorough that when he kills a target, no one even remembers the person ever existed. He erases memories, shreds paperwork, the whole nine yards. No one does it better. Of course, things are never that simple and people are trying to betray Alexander, kill him and he's struggling with his own humanity [even though he's lived a few lifetimes trying to deny he's got any left]

In the end, Alexander falls into a coma after saving the two girls he's supposed to kill, kills his betrayer, burns a town down and would probably be killed if only his brother, Thomas didn't let him go.

Resurrection shows us most of the same characters [save Justice and Brant, I believe] as well as some new ones. It's a few weeks/month[s] later and Elizabeth and Jessica [now Vampires, sired by Alexander. He turned them because they'd have died if he didn't. Long story, no details] are still watching over a comatose Alexander. The betrayer from Corruption had a brother who is now out for revenge and has a price on Alexander's head. The two Vampire girls are trying to protect them while one gets herself involved in something she doesn't truly understand, which may cost her whatever's left of her humanity and sanity. Thomas has returned to his superiors having inevitably failed his mission to rescue the two girls and is struggling with his assignments and his decision to let his brother live after having pledged lifetimes to hunting him down and killing him. We focus more and more on Thomas and his struggles as they begin to affect how he treats others and acts in general, slowly turning him into a darker person. While all of this is going on, Alexander is trapped in some kind of mental trial where he must re-live his worst mistakes over and over again until he learns some kind of truth/lesson from each instance. Failure to realize the truth will cause him to stay in the coma, possibly forever, tortured by the memories over and over again until he goes insane. Inevitably, he finds the truth in each lesson and rises up from his coma with a newfound wealth of power he cannot explain, along with a distant voice in the back of his mind calling him back to a location that once meant something to him and his sire.

Evolution changes focus to our missing cast, Brant and Justice, as well as showing bits and pieces of Thomas [after Resurrection]. Brant finds himself developing new Vampire-like mental abilities he cannot control at first and returns to his hometown that Cyrik took him from long ago. He finds out the tragedy that befell his family and loses his humanity to the animal inside every Lycan. Creating a path of havoc and death behind him, Brant is hunted by a group of Stalkers and inevitably, he's captured by them. Unable to explain his mental abilities, the group decides to bring him back to the Guardian's council and let them observe him to learn what they can. They are, however, stopped by Justice [of all people] who not only helps release Brant but calms the savage creature he's become. Justice and Brant travel together for a short time, as Brant is worried about what he'll do if Justice cannot stop his savagery which is now eating away at his mind at all times. Justice tries to show Brant to embrace this new side as a part of him instead of fight it like an enemy, but Brant fears of becoming the kind of monster Cyrik was. Throughout this, we see Thomas hunting Brant's trail alone. We see him finding Lycans that Brant has accidentally created, along with innocents and see Thomas struggle even more with his choices. He begins to blur the lines between right and wrong, helping Lycans escape and even killing humans in the process. Inevitably, Thomas finds brant after he has left Justice's side and after a battle, Thomas awakens the power of the Protector, making him much stronger than Brant. Finding himself in the position to kill the Lycan, Thomas struggles with the decision and then lets Brant go, unable to justify the killing of one Lycan when he has helped many in the recent days. A second band of Stalkers sees this and takes Thomas into custody for treason, vowing to bring Thomas home to the Guardian council, which, according to Guardian law, will have no choice but to put Thomas to death.

Ascension reverts back to Alexander and some of Thomas. Alexander begins to search for whatever the voice in the back of his mind is trying to have him find, eventually winding up in his hometown from centuries past. What was once a town has become something of a wasteland. Alexander begins to try to find out what happened to his former home, sending Elizabeth and Jessica away [and quite possibly Sandra, if I don't kill her off in book 2] Alexander begins to find that years after the last time he visited his home, someone invaded the town with a small force of raiders and destroyed it. Feeling compelled to explore more, the Vampire investigates and eventually finds one lone survivor; A Vampire who, while centuries old, has the appearance of a boy half the age Alexander was when he was turned. The younger Vampire tells Alexander that the raiders were a horde of Vampires who killed all of his friends and family before his eyes, before turning him and telling him that one day the one responsible for the destruction would find him. Realizing that person is Alexander, the boy tries to attack him, but Alexander stops him, restrains him and forces him to take him to the raiders, already suspecting who they are. The boy leads Alexander straight to the home of [dun dun DUUUN] Tyrale Corren [who is currently living under the name Arthur Cain and publishing "fictional" stories of Vampire history] Tyrale attempts to convince Alexander to stay with him, but of course the younger Vampire refuses and the two fight with Alexander eventually winning, drinking the blood of Tyrale. Despite his sire dying, Alexander and the rest of Vampire-kind continue to live because by drinking his sire's blood, Alexander as assumed the role of Father Vampire. The Vampire guide-boy tries to kill Alexander but the older Vampire explains what really happened that Tyrale was the real villain and the boys swears loyalty to Alexander.

Meanwhile, after Alexander dismisses them, Elizabeth and Jessica roam freely a bit, not truly sure what to do with themselves. They stumble across another Sanctuary, burned to the ground. Drinking some of the blood of the dead, they learn from their memories that a band of Stalkers came through the area, transporting a captive and wiped the small Sanctuary out. Seeing through the memories of the dead, the girls recognize the captive as Thomas and after some debate, decide to help him. Tracking the Stalkers, they eventually find their camp and sneak inside to talk to Thomas. A now bitter man, Thomas tries to rebuke their help, claiming he's welcoming death over the betrayal and horror not only the Vampires show, but even his own people. After some insistence from the girls, he explains what happened and why he is a captive and what is going to happen to him once he is returned to the council. Giving him the option of escaping with them, Thomas not only refuses but calls for the guards. The girls decimate the Stalker camp, mostly thanks to Jessica's recently developed blood thirst [after her little "drug problem" in book 2... No details] Angry, they confront Thomas and he claims they are a great example of what he hates in the world. Realizing they cannot get through to him, they slash his bindings and explain that only he and they know what happened here and before. If he goes now, he can return to his people a hero or disappear and they leave. Thomas strongly desires isolation from a damned world in his eyes, but realizes the responsibility he carries, being the Protector and decides to join the Guardians once again.

Revelation is the final book of the series and shows Alexander calling out to his people. Some of the first to arrive are the young boy from book 4, along with Elizabeth and Jessica. He explains that it is time to show the entire world what has really been going on behind it's back, whether they want to realize it or not. Finding a way to get the message out, Alexander sends out a message to every human in the world, explaining the underground war that's been raging on behind their backs for over a thousand years. He ends the message by calling out to all of his people, even his cousin Lycans and the parent race of the Vampires, the Witches along with any forces left in the world willing to take his side. The last thing he says in the message is a declaration of open war with the world, claiming that the only way to stop him is to give him what he wants; a home for him and his people/allies.

Thomas returns to the Guardians and learns of Alexander's declaration. Now slowly going mad with the guilt of letting his brother live, Thomas creates a story for the Guardian council, explaining his recent travels and how he tried to aid the Stalkers Jessica and Elizabeth killed. Revealing he has become the Protector, the Guardian council shows no surprise as it was planned all along that one day Thomas would fill the role. Shocked and angered over their silence, Thomas still tries to do what he believes is the right thing, thinking his problems all started with Alexander surviving the battle at New Blood. He takes his place as commander of the Guardian army and begins to rally their forces. Unfortunately, the former sheriff of the New Blood area has survived all this time and also returned to the council. Rallying his own army of Hunters, Michaels suspects that Alexander surviving is Thomas' fault and the two develop a rivalry soaked in hatred.

Brant hears Alexander's call for allies and now embracing his savage side, journeys to meet the Vampire. Along the way, he passes through traveling bands of Lycans, who he aids and accompanies, eventually amassing a great number. As the alpha males of these groups fight for superiority, Brant listens to the people and realizes they are afraid for their lives not only of the Guardians and Stalkers, but their own leaders who have grown more savage and less kind as they accumulate power. Outraged at his people's actions, he challenges all the alpha males for their command and after a battle where he utilizes more of his mental ability that he knew he had, he wins, becoming something of a king of the Lycans. As the people embrace him, he leads them to Alexander and becomes one of his generals.

A number of other characters emerge to fight for Alexander, including the alchemist Abraham and the witch, Shrika. Justice returns not only with a small band of tribal Vampires that apparently he's been sire of for centuries and training them in deadly arts of survival, but a small number of demons and other dark creatures under his control, becoming Alexander's Councilor.

The battle finally begins and in the midst of things, we see Thomas cross a line he never has. Despite killing humans in the moment of trying to save Lycans, Thomas has never purposefully killed someone on his side of the war. Seeing a chance to rid himself of his rival, Thomas attacks, fights and kills Michaels, the Hunter dying with a smirk saying that Thomas has become just as bad as his brother.

The two brothers find each other as Alexander is watching over the battle. Thomas accuses Alexander of everything wrong with his life and Alexander calmly responds that if it wasn't for Thomas hunting him, Alexander would have never been in his younger brother's life to begin with. Alexander chides and ridicules his brother, claiming the Guardian must finally become responsible for his own choices and mistakes instead of passing the blame to others. He continues to lecture his brother, eventually coming the idea that Thomas needs to do what is best for Thomas, not the world. When the Guardian tries to call his brother a hypocrit for helping the Vampires all over the world, Alexander says the circumstances are different. Having become the Father Vampire, Alexander is one with everyone of his race. Having gained allies over the past months/year[s], he finds these people to be his new family and it is in his best interest to protect them as best he can. He declares he has found something to fight for and asks what Thomas fights for. As the Guardian struggles for an answer, he realizes he has none. Mentally defeated, the Guardian throws down his weapon and the last chance the Guardians had of winning [that being the Protector] walks away from the conflict, turning his back on the world.

The Vampires soon push the Guardians back and stake their claim in the world, taking half of North America as their land, which they name Deadland. Alexander is known as King of the Deadlands and Thomas is never heard from again. Elizabeth and Jessica become Alexander's personal body guards, the young Vampire boy [now missing an eye] becomes the Vampire General of Alexander's armies, Brant takes his throne over all the Lycans, Justice and Abraham take huge territories to call their own and Shrika, who in the battle had to sacrifice her left leg for the bone required in a spell, becomes Queen of the Witches.

And they all live happily. Ever. After.

~The End~

Monday, February 15, 2010

Lists

Haha! Just as I said, I finished my list of characters by appearance;

Elizabeth Jensen [want to change this name, first and last]
Thomas Jensen [want to change this name, last]
Maria Jensen [want to change this name, last]
Arthur Cain [mentioned, doesn't appear]
Tyrale Corren [mentioned, doesn't appear]
Jonathan [later revealed as "Cyrik"]
Brant
Katelyn [killed in her appearance]
Catherine [killed in her appearance]
Jessica Marech
Zaris
Alexander Stinda
Robin
Thomas Stinda
Justice

It's actually an amazingly small cast for such a story. I'm thinking of adding a few allies/subordinates for Thomas. This will give him a bit more of a presence in the story and allow his side of the story to shine through a bit more. Plus, his people can interact with Zaris' people/Alexander more. It'll be interesting to have one of Thomas' subordinates either interact with Alexander or see Thomas interacting with Alexander and have them question their leader.

I also realized I have NO important Hunters, but every other race is there... This has to change. I have to add a Hunter somewhere and I think I just popped a random idea up.

Thomas is something of a "special ops" kind of person. But with the Guardians and Hunters trying to eradicate Vampires, Lycans and Witches, it would make sense for them to "police" areas of interest, such as the former site of Galdric. Perhaps a Hunter can be the "sheriff" of this area? Hmm? Very possible. It'd even be interesting to see Thomas and the Hunter clash heads a lot.

I'm also planning on renaming "Galdric". It'll still mean something related to "Blood", but instead be "City of Blood". Then instead of calling it "New Blood" all the time, I'm actually changing the name in the Vampire language. Which I may ALSO be developing a bit more for people like Tyrale to swear in... Fun fun.

So yeah. You see the renames above, too... Lots of work to be done in the sense of just naming things that used to already have names!

Fun fun.

More to come!

~Class Dismissed~

Lunch Time Crusades, Pt. 1

I'm at work at lunch, re-reading my past blog and I decided to do a minor update. The idea of the map for Corruption was harder than I thought, as I'm apparently not great with winding roads from an overhead view. I did manage to decide on where a number of important places will be, such as the homes of Elizabeth and Jessica, the location of the school, where the forest and thus, New Blood will be, Alexander and Thomas' temporary homes and that is progress. I just have to fill in the lines where they apply. I've gotten some down, but not everything.

I also started another bit of work with the character development. Feeling like my map idea was somewhat of a failure, I resigned the idea past mapping important places out and instead focused on the characters. I'm beginning to make a bigger deal out of smaller characters, so I needed a list of characters that appeared throughout the book.

To obtain this list, I flipped through the chapters, only really skimming the writing itself to see who appeared when and listing them in that order. I didn't finish this project either [seeing the pattern, here?] but I did create some kind of progress.

I'll post the list when I finish it later today, as I've just decided is the deadline for it.

I've already started changing or defining more about the characters, namely Thomas Jensen, Elizabeth's father. I've determined that he will be a lawyer and will appear in Book 2, where he'll either be killed or just disappear from the rest of the series after his scene or two with Elizabeth. I won't give out too much more information, as I am trying not to ruin too much.

I find myself surprised by how off-timeline the story is. I jump whole days in a single chapter from the first half to the second half and then it seems like most of the book itself doesn't really define the time jumps. Well, to put that better, I rarely put how much time has elapsed from one portion to another and when I do, it's shockingly huge amounts of time. This disturbs me as the entire book was really supposed to happen within about a week, maybe two as both Thomas Stinda and Alexander had to work fast to complete their goals. With the way it's written, I believe the book took place over the course of a month. I really am in shock of how careless I was with timing. This will be changed in the future as well.

Ah, well. These crusades are time-orientated and it would appear my time is up. Back to the daily grind before it grinds me down, hmm?

~Time's Up~

Monday, February 8, 2010

Not Dead Yet

Wow, it has been a while since I blogged my brains out. I'm not sure if that means I've grown bored with blogging or if I just don't have any brains left. Hmm. Let's continue, shall we?

It's amazing. I, for once, never believed in New Year's Resolutions. I believe people are too hypocritical, too false and too set in their ways [and thus, too lazy to change them] to truly succeed in achieving whatever it is they claim they want to do. Thus, I've never promised myself something, only to break it.

That changed this year. I didn't make this resolution AT New Year's, but sure enough it happened in the beginning of the year and I'm hoping to continue it through the year;

I resolute to read more. Once upon a time, I did a lot of reading, always carrying a book with me. I created quite the collection of literature, which nearly doubled when Danny and I moved in together. We have an entire corner of our room with two book shelves and we still have to stack more books into our bedroom's entertainment system's shelves. Dear Lord.

I've only really gotten 5 books under my belt. Two books from a six book series from R. A. Salvatore's War of the Spider Queen [Dissolution and Insurrection], Whitechapel Gods by S. M. Peters, Night Life and Street Magic from Caitlin Kittredge. They're larger books with smaller font and almost no line spacing. I'm on book 3 for the War of the Spider Queen and quite frankly, I'm loving it. I'm not exactly sure what I'm reading next, considering I need to get through a lot of the books I already own. I can't believe I have so many that I haven't read yet. Really, what's wrong with me?

Don't answer that.

I've been trying to do more work on the Corruption re-write, but sadly... Well, I haven't. Recently, I'm happy to say my distraction has occasionally being sucked into my reading, but before that and in between it now, it's been video games. I'm finding that they're definitely my weak spot and I'm both working to overcome that weakness while still dedicate some time to them, as R2G is going to be starting in APRIL!!!! Seriously, that's amazing. More on R2G later.

Back to Corruption. I spoke with my parents about my issues with the original copy. The negative criticism I received really kind of rattled me. I thought I had a good work of art on my hands and it seems like people outgrew it and it became choppy, immaturely written and the former flow everyone loved and was pulled in by seemingly evaporated. I'm not exactly sure how, but it bothers me. I know I was never a fan of the dialog and some of the plot holes I discovered after re-reading it in it's entirity, but I still thought it was good. Seems like I was the only who thought so.

Of course, that's not true. Bunny loves it and apparently, so did/does my mother. Does that make me a loser? That my mommy likes my book? Either way, it was refreshing that someone didn't put it down but praised it. Bunny most definitely is not my mommy.

Hmm. Resolution #2; I will do some kind of actual work on Corruption every week. I would say every day, but I know I wouldn't keep to that. Hell no.

Now I just have to figure out the first step this week. Back to basics... I should probably start creating something of a map to plot the story within. Gives me a clearer view of where a person has to go to get where they're going.

Say that five times fast.

~Class Dismissed~

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