Friendship is Never Easy

I don't have a lot a lot of friends. I don't try to make that many more. My sister, she's a party girl/social butterfly. I even have a few social butterfly friends. But me, personally? I maintain a pretty low-key, tight-knit collection of contacts.

Why, you ask? Hmm. That's a good question. I could by typical cynically/bitterly/sarcastically hilarious self and retort with something along the lines of "I don't like people, they suck!" but I don't think that's the real reason. That route out of the question, I can't claim being shy or bad with people because I can talk to and make complete strangers laugh and feel comfortable with me without even trying. I think I get it from my dad, considering I see myself doing some of the same things he does.

I could claim it was the truth issues I have, keeping people at bay. It's no secret that I openly tell my closest friends that I will refuse to tell them all the details of my life or my personality. There are things I've done in my life that I'm not proud of and I wouldn't hesitate to think they'd never want to speak to me again upon hearing. Even ex-girlfriends probably don't know my whole story. I never give away the whole thing. When I do reveal bits and peices, it's always sugar-coated. I don't think most people can handle what I've done and been through in life. Even parts of my family are none the wiser about my problems and issues.

Today, I started a conversation with possibly the best friend I've ever had, not sure if we were going to be talking afterward. We had an argument the other day and it got kinda heated and she fell asleep at her computer without it really "ending". In the end, we were able to work things out and all is good, for the moment. But, as I usually do after situations that stand out, I begin to reflect on a lot of things.

I argue with a lot of my friends, a lot of the time. I find flaws and glitches with each and every single one of them. I have gripes and groans that I can say both behind their back and to their faces [mainly because I don't believe I have anything I can't say to someone's face. I'm no coward]

I guess my giant reflection of the day was both "Is it worth it?" and "How bad would loniless be?" The honest answers I came up with were "I don't know" and "While I'd love to be a wise-ass, tough-ass and tell everyone I'd deal with it, I love companionship." I typically need someone or something to talk to. When I'm alone, I talk to myself. I talk to the computer. I talk to my video games. In the end, I do need things to talk to and bounce things back off of. I get my ideas talking to people about my ideas. That's mostly how Corruption developed over the years into what it was.

In the end... Friendship, as the title states, is never easy. But I guess, when compared to the alternative, it's the lesser of two evils.

Think on that philosophy, why don't ya?