When I turned 21, I was contacted by an uncle I rarely ever spoke to and years ago... Well, my family and him/his wife, stopped talking, eventually. I haven't gotten a phone call or a birthday card from this man in... Years. But I got one this year because my grandmother on his/my father's side left me money in savings bonds for when I turned 21. I'm... Really not sure how I feel right now.
I can describe certain feelings going through my head. But all together, I couldn't tell you in one word or even 20 words how I am. I'm... Angry. Frustrated. Hurt. Depressed. Confused. Bitter. And a lot more. There are some feelings that are up to a level that I don't think they have words to define them anymore.
And in the end, I guess I shouldn't care, right? I walked away with over... Well, I walked away with a lot of money. Let's leave it at that. But still, the visit seemed tainted. The entire time I was there, I was asked about my life, my writing, my work... Etc. etc., but it wasn't about me. I wasn't there for him to get to know me or ask about all of the stuff I was asked about... I was there to get money from the director of my grandmother's estate. He was more of a lawyer than my uncle for those... Well, close to 2 hours.
People who know me know I have issues with the little family I am in contact with, including my immediate family. We don't get along and there's a lot of bad memories in my past that I don't typically talk about anymore. Today was kind of a reminder that for as broad as my family is, so little of it is there for me and the little bit that is there, well. They kinda suck. Or they did suck at some point, anyway. Even if they do try to make up for it these days.
I don't know, right now. It wasn't a great Labor Day. It really wasn't a great week and it hasn't been a great month. I guess for now, the best I can do is keep trying harder to work toward a brighter tomorrow.
If that's what I'm even working toward.
~Class Dismissed~
Hey, a post!
ReplyDeleteAnd what a miserable one at that...
Confused? Angry? What?
Look at their end:
"Hey, remember, years ago, when we had that bright idea?
Now we're actually gonna have to call that guy...
Who's idea was that anyway? "
Apply the pirate motto:
"Take all you can! Give nothing back!"
They wanted it that way.
Who cares if they're proud of you? It's just them, nothing more.
Make me proud if that's one of your needs.
Either way, whatever is in the past should simply stay there.
Remember (warning: big words ahead), you still are the architect of your own future.
You may need some help from other people of course, like a boss to work for :P,
but there's still a choice.
That you have to and can make.
Yes, tomorrow will be better. For some definition of better, like, maybe, "different"? :P
Well, keep going.
And, don't drink too much.
It's not good for you. Less even for the people around you.
Yours,
AceHart