Down, but still In

It's been a long time since I blogged anything out... I don't know what inspired the huge hiatus, but regardless, it happened and I think it depressed me a little. Most of you that read will remember our little troll of a guest on the shoutbox claiming my blogs are "selfish" or "narcissistic" and I guess taking a step back, I couldn't help but realize they were. That isn't originally what I wanted to do with this blog and that was definitely never where I intended it to go. I think I originally started a blog because people seemed to enjoy reading the things I wrote, even when it WAS stupid stories just about my day. I've actually done just that; written stories about my day on forums and had huge responses. But I may have overestimated myself.

I know, I know. You're sitting there, reading this and wondering "What the Hell? This doesn't sound like Seth... It isn't cocky and egotistical enough to be Seth!" Well, that's probably because I simply am not a happy evil little bastard today. I don't know what it is, but I'm not myself the past couple of days...

The "secret project" I had been considering was going to be a new webcomic. Done in black and white and a quicker "anime" style... It wound up not looking very good. I was unsatisfied and I think I dumped the idea. Would have been kinda fun, and definitely excited me to think about getting into webcomics again.

The long and short of the problem is that I don't possess the necessary drawing ability. I know people that know me will also cite my poor attention span as another reason, and they'd be right. However, one of the things that kills my attention span early is that, well... I'm never satisfied with some projects. The webcomic's art sucking ass doesn't make me WANT to continue the project. Just like how some of the issues with writing Corruption and trying to write Re-Birth didn't make me WANT to continue.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER LITTLE THING! I am going to start working on re-writing Corruption to a) work on the flow of the plot and hopefully fill in some of the bigger plot holes I've noticed and b) re-write some of the more childish not-thought-out dialog... I've mapped out chapter one like I've done in the past and I'm much happier with some of the ideas I have in mind. We're going to see a lot "more" to the story, including scenes, backstory, those lovely flashbacks everyone used and even more characters. Fun fun! That's exciting.

We're [Bunny and I] moving at the end of October and we're already talking about things we need to get, how to get packed up, by when... I'm excited about that, too. Very, actually... It's going to be the first thing that's "mine" away from my mother, father and even my sister and I'm sharing it with someone very special. It's a great time on the horizon, even though I am slightly worried about money... Still, as of so far, Bunny and I have always found ways to get the money we need, and I believe in our ability to continue doing that.

See? Two huge, very exciting things... And I'm depressed... Work isn't bad, but it isn't good. I'm starting to feel like I'm constantly being told I should be doing "more" at work, but I don't know what "more" to do. We're told by the Bossman to evolve our departments and have it run more effeciently, but it's hard enough to get it to run smoothly enough to CONCENTRATE on that evolution. I just don't know what to do with it at this point... Or even if I'm the one they should be asking. Maybe I'm not.

I have virtually no friends lately. I'm either not friends with previous friends, barely speaking to them or they're barely speaking to me for whatever reasons, but here I am, turning 21 in September [really, what? A week?] and I can't think of who might actually be there to celebrate with me, except people who are really more Bunny's friends than mine... I call that pathetic.

Well, it felt good to blog some stuff out. Maybe this will help my depression. Or maybe it won't.

~Class Dismissed~